One Month to Go

My last day of work is in exactly one month.

WHAT?! How did this happen?? I am sincerely just so baffled by how quickly my year here is passing. Last night, my community met with one of our Support People to briefly discuss the year. I am still so overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. I am so excited to leave, but I’m so sad to be leaving. I can’t wait to get back to California, but I am dreading saying goodbye to New York. My job, my friends, the city life…everything is going to become a memory, and I just don’t feel ready to let it all go yet.

It’s scary to be filled with so many questions. Am I ready to leave this amazing city? I had always dreamed of moving to New York. Now, that dream is over. Am I ready to start grad school? A Masters and Education Specialist degree in Educational Psychology? Am I right for that role? Will I be successful? Will it bring me happiness?

I can still remember when I first knew I wanted to do JVC. I remember when I first looked up my agency’s website and fell in love with it. In exactly one month, I’ll be ending my last day of work at this amazing place. The families, the friendships…I knew this day would come, but I didn't know it would come so quickly, and I didn't expect to feel so many feelings. I know the transition will be rough, but I’m hoping that jumping straight into grad school will help things? Or maybe it will only put off the culture shock haha. 

I guess only time will tell how this will all play out. I still have so much on my mind like packing, moving, finding a place to live, starting school, making new friends, finding a job, figuring out loans...it's just so so much for my poor brain. I'm trying to keep cool and not let it become inundating, so, let's just hope I don't burst anytime soon. 

Here's to a new month--my last one in New York. I only have eleven free nights this month, as of right now. And with Dis-Orientation (our cleverly named end-of-the-year retreat) and a trip to Peru coming up, I only actually have thirteen days of work left. Here we go!...

Helpline

My agency has a helpline available for anyone to call to receive free information about pretty much anything education related. We have certain staff members who are dedicated to manning the lines day in and day out (I can’t even imagine). Answering a never-ending stream of calls from parents, students, and educators who are angry, fearful, or confused. Because we have so many calls constantly coming in, the rest of the staff here is required to answer two calls per month as a way to help out those whose days are completely run by the phone rings.

I always start off being very nervous when I get my helpline assignments. I still feel so inexperienced and unqualified to be relied on to solve a family’s troubles. As the months progress, I have definitely been learning more and more about the world of education here in New York City, and I am able to have conversations where I end up impressing myself with all the knowledge I’ve gained. I nevertheless still feel inadequate when talking to these families, and I usually end up saying, “let me talk to my supervisor about that,” but I guess that all comes with the territory? I’m sure there are countless other Jesuit Volunteers out there who feel the same way. We sometimes get thrown into these positions that require a level of expertise that we haven’t yet reached. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all that is expected of you, but I’ve come to realize that I am totally okay with being honest with people and telling them, “You know, I’m not sure about that, but I will ask someone who knows and get back to you.” These clients deserve our honesty, and I hope they realize that I truly want to help them, even if I don’t have the immediate solution to their issue.

I love knowing that my organization has this helpline as a resource. We have a number that anyone can call, and even if we don’t pick up, we return messages as quickly as possible. I also love that everyone on staff is involved in returning these calls—even the summer interns that have just arrived! I love being a part of something that is so dedicated to helping others, and I can’t believe how little time I have left to enjoy this blessing.

Advocates

I'm just SO PROUD of my placement. I am surrounded by humans who are so passionate about the work that they do.

We just released an official complaint with the New York Education Department against the NYC Department of Education for not providing the necessary support to students with disabilities that could result in lower suspension rates among this demographic. There are five parts to this official complaint...these lawyers I work with are legit.

My coworkers have been working on this for a while now, and to finally have it all published and out there and official is so wonderful. We're hoping it will serve to benefit all students in terms of discipline and behavioral plans.

I just love being a part of something bigger than me--being here to see how change is being created right before my eyes! 

And celebrating with cupcakes and other goodies is just another perk...

Men

Never in my life have I heard so many wolf whistles, kissy noises, and cat calls directed at me before moving to New York, and I don't think it's because I've suddenly become irresistible to the male species. I don't really know what it is. Should I feel complimented? I don't. I feel angered. What makes it okay for someone to do that? It makes me feel uncomfortable. But, is that my fault? Should I just let it be and not feel anything? I personally find it hard to ignore. I leave the house feeling pretty and dolled up, but I turn the corner on my walk to the subway and instantly feel eyes on me and hear that day's choice of call. The thing is -- this normally only happens when I've actually made an effort with my appearance. When I'm in heels or I've done my make up. If I leave the house in jeans and flats, I am usually ignored. But does that mean that should be all I wear every day? I feel like I should be allowed to dress up without fearing the response I'll hear when I pass the 24 hour car wash by my house. (Yes, a 24 hour car wash. Just in case your car is impossibly dirty at 2am.)

This new life is just so different from anything I've ever experienced. I didn't have to deal with unwanted attention from strange men in my little hometown, or even while I was at UCLA.

I was commenting on this to my dad, and his response was, "Wow, just like Peru." I realized this is a reality that women have to deal with all over the world each and every day. What happened that this is what is normal or accepted? Why is this something women just have to get used to?

So, I'm going to start something new. When I hear these calls, I'll just keep walking, but say a little prayer. For the men who think it's okay to make me feel this way and for the women who feel this way infinitely more times than me. I know that once this year is up and I move back to California,  I'll be able to escape this, but not everyone is so lucky.

This is all part of my experience, so I'm trying to take it in stride and learn from it all.

Basic Needs

I almost started crying today as I met with a client. 

Technically, my job is to work as an advocate for education, but I somehow find myself involved in so many other scenarios where my help is needed in other realms. Today’s topics: food stamps, Medicaid, and Social Security. My client is an immigrant who speaks very little English, and has been having a lot of issues navigating the system. He has made it clear multiple times that he isn't doing this for himself, but he wants to get help for his son. The fact that he has been going through this for months just broke my heart. He is struggling to pay rent, pay for food, and find insurance that will cover his son’s medical needs, and I was the one who had to help him. I know nothing about any of these things! How am I qualified to be in charge of helping this man get his basic needs met? It made me emotional to think of so many people out there who don’t have anyone advocating for them—how many people must feel so lost in paperwork and terminology and requirements. As I sifted through the mail he brought in, I was overcome with compassion for him and all those like him, and I feel more driven than ever to keep doing what I’m doing and fighting for the forgotten ones. 

Luckily, one of my roommates is more involved in the world of the Human Resources Administration, so I have been able to reach out to her for help and advice. I admire her and everyone doing that kind of work so much for seeing cases like this day in and day out. These unsung heroes are really making a difference in the lives of so many.

On a lighter note, today is Good Friday, yesterday was Holy Thursday, tomorrow is Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday comes afterward. Holy Week Rebecca Blaaack. I’ll be missing my family in the next few days, but I’m glad to have my New York family here to celebrate with! My family is currently out in Victorville taking food to people living on the street, a Good Friday tradition that we started years ago. I SO wish I could be with them, but I know that my place is here, rejoicing with the beautiful weather that will hopefully continue for these next few days!

Visiting the Melodie

I have been lucky enough to see so many friends from home while living here in New York. As it turns out, people actually want to come here! Not necessarily always to see me, but hey, I'm a bonus! 

oh you know, just the view from the Brooklyn Bridge.

I have seen friends from high school whom I haven't talked to in years, friends from college who came for my birthday, cousins who came for their Spring Break, and friends (and a certain boyfriend) who have come just for meee (and also maybe New York). I have walked, eaten, and laughed. A lot. 

macarons from Ladurée.

I looove being able to share my new city (and my couch/floor space) with all of these visitors! It always gives me butterflies when I get to see Times Square at night or when I walk through the beauty of Central Park. It's been seven and a half months and still has not gotten old! I don't know if it ever will. This city never ceases to amaze me, and I love being reminded of how lucky I am while I show these sights, sounds, and smells to people from home.

I DIED. Van Ghoh at MoMA.

So, if you're wondering whether or not I want you to come visit me, I DO. Through touring around my tourist friends, I've witnessed again and again how wonderful this city is and how happy I am to be living here. It's been an absolute dream come true: I had been wanting to live in New York ever since I was a little girl! And now that I've been given the chance, I want to share my experience with anyone and everyone (within reason).

So, pack your bags, and come see my home. And maybe take me out to dinner or something.

Harlem House in the Hurricane

Life in Harlem continued as usual for the girls in my house. Well, as usual as can be with a hurricane happening outside.

Let's just say growing up in the California desert didn't really prepare me for this.

the subway station closest to my house, in preparation.

after the hurricane. seeing it like this is so bizarre!

Work was cancelled for all eight of us for Monday and Tuesday, a couple of girls went in to work yesterday, two more of us had work today, and the rest of the girls have the rest of the week off because they are on the same schedule as public schools, and those are all officially closed for the week. We prepared by buying canned foods (the line at Trader Joe's was ridiculous), filling jugs with water, and gathering all of the candles and matches in our house. Luckily for us, that all ended up being unnecessary. We spent our time cooking, baking, and eating lots of food, and watching lots and lots of movies. Sunday night was the scariest: the lights flickered intermittently, the wind rocked our house (literally), and scary noises were coming from our rooftop (our table and grill were having a fun party up there). I decided to move my mattress away from the two windows that are normally surrounding my head and slept on the floor. Too far? Well...yeah, but I just wanted to be safe. 

All in all, it turned into a great few days of relaxation and community bonding, so that was very nice! It's kind of surreal seeing pictures and hearing stories of the destruction, though. To know that some people have lost their homes, even their lives because of this hurricane while I, just a few miles away, got to enjoy a mini vacation with my housemates. It just doesn't seem fair! But, it's not all bad. Images of humanity's kindness are also floating around the internet, and those keep me thinking optimistically. It's in these disasters that we can show how caring and compassionate we are, and I love seeing the people of this stereo-typically heartless city come together to help each other out. My heart goes out to all of those who's lives have changed in the past few days. Once again, I am reminded of how blessed and lucky I am. I will continue to pray for everyone affected and thank God that I am okay.